NO PORN NOVEMBER:
Relational problems often get worse before they get better. Some husbands wait weeks after the discovery of porn use before they admit to additional bad behavior. Here’s what wives need to know.
If you’ve discovered your husband is looking at porn or has been sexually impure in other ways, I know you may feel as if the floor has dropped out from beneath your feet. On the surface, you may be functioning pretty well — “intact” marriage, healthy children, steady job and busy family life. Perhaps no one would suspect that your household has been devastated by the impact of your husband’s actions. But the truth is that your stability has been shaken and you are scrambling to hold everything together. You may be able to relate to Kaylee (not her real name):
Kaylee ran her arm across her husband’s side of the bed and wasn’t surprised to find it empty at 3:15 a.m. For many years her husband, Jackson, had struggled with insomnia, and he would often get up and go downstairs to read or play internet games until he was sleepy enough to come back to bed. It had been a while since Kaylee had gotten up to check on him. Whenever she did, he urged her to go back to bed so at least one of them could get a full night’s sleep.
On this particular night Kaylee got up to search for her husband. She didn’t find Jackson reading in his chair in the family room. Instead, she saw a sliver of light under his office door — the light of his computer. She was annoyed that he was playing internet games. Whenever he did that, he always came back to bed wide-awake and wanting to make love regardless of how tired she felt. If she didn’t comply with his desires — or demands — he’d be furious and harshly criticize her for not being the kind of woman he deserved in bed.
Without knocking, she quietly opened the door. Jackson’s back was to the door. Kaylee had a full view of his computer screen. The sexual images she saw on his computer screen shocked and nauseated her.
“Jackson!” she gasped.
Instantly he hit the close button, whirled around and shouted, “Why are you sneaking up on me?”
Kaylee whispered, “I only wanted to see if you were OK.”
“Don’t ever do that to me again!” he responded (as if the incident were entirely her fault).
“I’m sorry,” she murmured as she quietly closed the door.
If you can relate to Kaylee’s experience, you’re not alone. Many women’s husbands have secret sexual lives. This discovery overwhelms the wife like a tsunami smashing into a peaceful shoreline. The unforeseen revelation of a husband’s lies sweeps away any remaining illusions of a secure and happy marriage.